When I was 17 years old, I was
walking home from my job at the library.
It was a cool evening and I was enjoying the darkening skies and the
look of the glowing lights in the windows of the storefronts and my neighbor’s
homes. It was my favorite time of the
evening, and knowing that a delicious Mom-cooked dinner awaited me added a
little extra hitch to my step.
Amid the thoughts that bounced
around a 17 year old boy’s head (girls, school, girls, work, girls, etc.) I
suddenly awoke to the sound of footsteps approaching behind me. This was not unusual at this time of day, as
others were getting off work, or walking their dogs, or just taking an evening
stroll. I didn’t glance back, and at
the next corner, I turned to head east on Main.
In one of the angled windows of
the Lerman’s department store, I caught a quick glance of a man walking about
15 steps behind me. In the dimming
light, he was cloaked in shadows, and I couldn’t make out his face.
At the corner of 5th
and Main, I turned and headed toward home.
To my surprise, the footsteps followed and seemed to be picking up
speed. I began to walk faster myself,
not really nervous, but curious. I
found it strange that someone would be making the same turns I was, but I would
certainly lose them as I cut across the parking lot behind First Christian
Church.
About halfway across the parking
lot, I realized that whoever was behind me, was still right there, and as my
concern began to rise, it felt like he was closing the gap between us rather
quickly.
I decided to make a detour, away
from home and back up 4th street to Main. I still thought he might just be heading
home in the same direction that I had been.
If so, he could go his own way and I’d breathe easier. Besides, Mom was home with my little sister
alone. Dad was out of town and my
brothers were working night shifts. I
didn’t want to rush there for safety and bring danger to my home.
Main Street was quiet and when I
turned the corner I began to run. About
halfway down the block, I could see that the man had indeed followed me, and was
now running to keep pace. I turned and
cut through a yard, hoping to lose him in the bushes. I came out the other side into a parking lot
that sat mostly empty, except for a few cars.
I thought for a moment that I should hide in one of the cars, and I
tried a few doors, but they were locked.
The man ran into the parking lot
and I turned to look him in the face.
His eyes were wide with what appeared to be rage, but maybe just
crazy. I couldn’t tell. I realized quickly that I was a little bit
bigger than he was. I was not much of a
fighter, but I didn’t like my options.
The police station was many blocks away. There were no big stores nearby to go
to. Nearby there were only houses, and
I didn’t know these people.
It was dumb, but I decided to
confront him. Seventeen year old logic isn’t
always logical. We jump bikes over
quickly constructed wooden ramps. We
climb to the top of trees and stand on swaying limbs. We don’t
give a lot of thought to consequences.
He wasn’t carrying a weapon, so I thought if
nothing else, I could kick him between the legs and drop him to his knees. It might give me enough time to get away.
I turned to him and said, “What
are you doing? Why are you following
me?”
He said something that sounded like,
“… are you up to,” but the pounding of fear in my ears made it hard to
hear. It was far and away the most
frightened I had ever been in my life.
He took another step toward me, and I decided to attack with my right
foot.
I took two quick steps and
started to kick, but he jumped forward too quickly, and my foot hit his
knee. He groaned in pain and fell
against me, knocking us both backward onto the ground. As we were falling, I turned my body enough
that I was able to roll him over and get on top. I only wanted to stop him from following me,
but in my panic I began to pound on him with both fists. A flood of adrenaline washed over me and
raged at the fear he had brought into my peaceful life. I raged at the terror I should never have
experienced. I raged and screamed, “I’ll
kill you…” but my hands were already aching and my onslaught was slowing. I just wanted to get up and run home.
His hands slapped and punched at
me, but he couldn’t get any momentum from his position. Suddenly I saw his hand reach into his
jacket and come out with something dark and shiny in the glow of the street
lamps. I reached to grab it and for a second felt the
cold chill of metal before blast of light exploded from its barrel and hit me
in the chest like a sledgehammer.
I flew backwards and hit the
ground hard. The lack of pain surprised
me. I felt warm, as if warm oil was
being poured over me, spreading across my chest and covering me like a blanket. It
wasn’t comforting at all.
I thought of Mom, standing by the
stove and finishing dinner. I thought
of Dad, on the road and hours from home.
I thought of God, and asked him what I had done to deserve this.
I opened my eyes, and as my
vision cleared I could see a tiny star glowing above me. My mind drifted back to my childhood, which in my
fear and sudden smallness, I realized I was still in. Star
Light, Star Bright…First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish…
