Alive and Kicking

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Connie told me last week that she has added something to her bucket list and she was going to make it a priority to see it through. Having seen the 2007 Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson film of that name, I knew what a “Bucket List” was and it didn’t really surprise me that she had one. She loves to experience new things and likes a little bit of adventure thrown in. Then she said that Taylor had mentioned something being on HER bucket list, and I was a little taken aback. Why does my 13 year old have a bucket list?


After various prolonged discussions about how we could make her bucket of dreams come true, Connie asked me what was on my bucket list. I had to think for a minute. Then I had to think for a very long time. I knew that I had never made a formal list of things to do before I died, but was there even an informal list floating around in the ether of my frazzled mind?

After giving it some thought during this last week, it struck me that the only thing sadder than not doing what you want to do before you die is to not even have a general idea of SOMETHING outside of our normal day to day existence that we would like to accomplish.

Starting from scratch, I was a little overwhelmed with the thought of filling an entire bucket…so I decided to start small and make a “coffee mug list.” I’m a big fan of coffee, and holding a steaming cup of java in a heavy mug gives me a high degree of comfort. Buckets are little unwieldy, and besides all that, I had a misfortunate run-in with a galvanized metal bucket as a clumsy toddler that left me with stitches over my left eye. Buckets haunt me.

The first thing that popped into my head when I asked myself, “What would I like to do that I haven’t done before” was: Take an uninterrupted nap.

I realized immediately the fault in my thinking because surely at some point as a child I had experienced a nap which was not broken up by a phone call, a crying child, a barking dog or the emergency need for me to replace batteries in the remote control. I reasoned that just because I could not remember something didn’t mean that I hadn’t done it, so I needed to set the bar slightly higher.

“Where would I like to go?” I asked myself. This question is a little difficult for me considering that I spend an average of 30 weeks a year away from home. When you spend that much time eating airport food and sitting in cramped “built for maximum occupancy” seats, the thought of sitting at home in your comfy recliner is more attractive than seeing one of the seven wonders of the world. (Combine my recliner with an uninterrupted nap and I may have found enough wishful thinking to actually fill a large dump truck, forget the bucket). After perusing the web and a spending a few hours watching the National Geographic channel, I still couldn’t find any place that I had an overwhelming desire to visit. I’m sure I would enjoy a visit to Ireland or Australia, Alaska or Brazil, but I’m also pretty sure that I wouldn’t feel all empty inside if I never go there.

I thought about other people’s lists. They seem to contain acts of adventure like Sky-diving, Zip-lining, bungee-jumping or swimming with dolphins. Considering that I can’t play most video games because I get motion sick and I also can’t swim, I pretty much had to rule out most of the standard “thrill” acts that make it on the lists. Living on the edge doesn’t appeal to me. I’m more of a “stay way back in case I trip” kind of person.

My blank list was getting more pathetic by the minute as the implication settled in that I seemingly had nothing to live for. What would people say about me when I was gone? Not that I grabbed hold of life and lived every moment, but that I existed…watching each hour pass from the safe cocoon of my comfort zone.

After berating myself for a good long while over what I couldn’t imagine myself doing, I had a brief moment of clarity when I simply asked myself, “What would make me happy?”

Now, that shines an entirely new light on these semi-morbid proceedings. I don’t need an impressive list of accomplishments to be happy. My joy comes from other things.

-I want my daughters to be healthy, happy and stable. I want them to find a good man who will love them unconditionally and worship them as they deserve. I want them to live the life that they were meant to live without the binds that hold so many of us back. I want them to find their inner peace and develop a strong personal relationship with their maker.

-I want to retire and spend mornings with my beautiful wife sipping coffee on the back deck until the sun becomes too warm and we have to switch to ice tea.

-I want to help my family achieve their goals.

-I want to travel some…but I don’t care about the destination.

-I want to be a better person.

Some of these items are out of my control, but I might be able to nudge them in the right direction a bit. This is my list of things that would make me happy, and now that I’m thinking that way, I’m sure I’ll think of more. I’m a very lucky man to have options. I’m not going to call it my “bucket list.” This is my “Cup runneth over list.”