News to Me

A lot of us are upset about the new FaceBook homepage, and with good reason. With the logic of a meth addict, the big brothers at FaceBook master control have decided that our world is not confusing enough, and that we need not only MORE information, but a double dose of the same information (only scrambled into an incoherent mess).

I never know which homepage might pop up when I go to my FaceBook. Will it be the current (hence the word “live”) “Live News Feed,” or the random, confusing and seemingly pointless “News Feed.” I assume the “News Feed” is an effort to cater to those who have been highly medicated or hiking on the Appalachian Trail for several days, since the posts sole purpose seems to be to tell you what people were doing yesterday or possibly a week ago. I could less care less about that. I live in the now.

I’ve read that their goal was to create a filtering structure that would allow us to create the home page that we want to see, but I might need new glasses, because I can’t envision what they are talking about. I have learned that I can filter out certain applications and any friends that I don’t want to see anymore, but I have not learned how to get rid of particular FaceBook annoyances that seem to never go away.

While I am always interested in the photos my friends post (okay, I’ll be completely honest…I’m only “usually” interested in the photos, just as my photos of buildings, trees or my kids making goofy faces are only of interest to close friends, family and the terminally bored), Facebook has generously given me the option to filter them out. I do not, apparently, have the option to get rid of all the “Bob became a fan of Fat Free Cool Whip” or “Sue became a fan of Rob Pattinson’s left ankle” posts. These seem to spread through my live feed like kudzu and cannot be killed.

Being a “fan” of something is a big thing on FaceBook. I jumped on a few bandwagons when I first joined, but then I realized that there were no actual perks or benefits to stating my support, and I would never get that autographed photo of Julio Iglesias I’ve always dreamed of, so I gave up.

Besides, I'm not giving my stamp of approval to just anyone or anything. Who knows, it might come back to haunt me someday that I was a FaceBook fan of "orange marmalade" or something which seems totally innocent now but might one day be the cause of a global catastrophe. Who or what you are a fan of on FaceBook might be how they sort out the wheat from the chaff. Laugh now, but one day, as you stand behind a barbed wire fence staring out at what used to be your freedom; you'll remember my words...and shed a tear.


I could also care less about who my friends are becoming friends with. These nuggets of information take up prime real estate on my crowded homepage and only serve to make me aware that almost everyone seems to know many more people than I do. Admittedly, I am pretty selective about who becomes my friend (don’t get a big head, some of you, because I have had my weak moments and let a few “acquaintances” slip through the cracks), but when I see folks who have four or five hundred friends, I have to wonder how they keep up. I feel guilty for not having enough time for my meager one hundred and thirty seven. How do they share the love? They must not have a job. (Or maybe…just maybe…they aren’t truly “friends” with all those people. Shameful).

At least I can hide all the game updates. I’m thrilled that my friends enjoy Farmville, Mafia Wars and many others, but I don’t need to know every time you plant a virtual row of corn or take out another simulated hit man. If I couldn’t hide all the game apps in my Live Feed, I’d spend hours searching through the countless updates to find what is really important to me: what my friends had for dinner and who did or didn’t sleep well last night.