Civil Actions

It’s been an ugly week for America, but we reap what we sow. Somewhere along the line we have forgotten that respect for others and a basic sense of decorum outweighs our personal sense of outrage and slight. Nothing seems to matter anymore except opening our mouths and spewing out whatever is on our minds, no matter how ugly.

Last Wednesday, Jim Wilson failed to control his tongue during the President’s speech to Congress, sparking outrage among the Democrats and embarrassment amongst many Republicans. In the spirit of political debate, opposition during a Presidential speech has been generally restricted to “boo’s,” murmuring and a conspicuous lack of clapping. Although this might not be considered polite, it is a reasonable expression of disapproval and more acceptable than being a hypocrite (don’t clap, smile and nod if you don’t agree). Still, a Congressman yelling out “You Lie!” to the President of the United States during a speech in the Capital of the United States crossed a line that brought immediate admonition from the Republican Party and a hasty apology from Wilson.

“This evening I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the President’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. While I disagree with the President’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the President for this lack of civility.”

First, let me say “Kudos” to the Republican Party for calling Wilson on his behavior, and especially John McCain for his gentlemanly rebuke of Wilson. McCain called the outburst “totally disrespectful” and there was “no place for it in that setting or any other.” Good for him! Disagreement doesn’t have to make you “disagreeable.”

I had decided not to write about Wilson last week since I didn’t want to write another political piece (I’d like to keep a few friends and not be kicked out of my family, if I can help it). But there seemed to be something in the water this fine week in September and an epidemic of nasty behavior broke out in our country. This was not a political issue…it was a human issue.

Saturday, tennis professional Serena Williams verbally attacked a line judge at the U.S. Open for what she perceived to be a questionable line ruling. Angrily pointing her racket at the judge, she said (according the Associated Press reports), “If I could, I would take this ... ball and shove it down your ... throat.” Apparently, there were some choice words that the AP would not print.

An apology was issued on Sunday. "(Saturday) night everyone could truly see the passion I have for my job," Serena stated. "Now that I have had time to gain my composure, I can see that while I don't agree with the unfair line call, in the heat of battle I let my passion and emotion get the better of me and as a result handled the situation poorly."

There are those pesky “emotions” again.

On Sunday, Kanye West jumped on stage during the MTV Music Awards, stopping the acceptance speech of Taylor Swift for Best Female Video to say that “Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.” Swift was understandably surprised by the interruption and left the stage without finishing her speech. Later in the show, when the Beyonce video in question won for Video of the Year, Beyonce exhibited a spectacular amount of class and respect for others by offering the microphone to Swift to finish her earlier speech.

West later apologized on his blog, writing "I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD'VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED!"

I know what my mom would have said (and would say to me today), “you should be ashamed of yourself!” My Dad would probably say “go get a switch.”

Somehow we’ve traded basic behavior guides like “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” for “do whatever you want and apologize for it later.”

As a parent, I’ve tried to teach my kids to do the right thing. It hasn’t been easy. I have problems with that sometimes myself. We all make mistakes, and I make more than my fair share. Still, I think Connie and I have done a pretty good job of instilling a basic respect for others in our children. We’ve tried to make them aware that their actions do not just affect themselves, but an unknown wave of others caught in the tremors of those actions.

This applies to both acts and words. I have never seen a ghost, but I’ve had many words come back to haunt me. No image in any horror movie has ever been as frightening as the lingering ring of a harsh word from my own lips.

Still, there’s a difference between a slip of the tongue and a pattern of disrespectful behavior. Unfortunately, our nation has accepted this kind of behavior as not just acceptable, but the norm. It’s such a rare thing for a young person to say “yes sir” and yes ma’am” that it’s noticeable when one actually says it.

Kids talk back to their parents without shame or fear. Teachers walk a fine line in terms of discipline because they know they do not have the backing of parents anymore. Rather than enforcing a child’s good behavior in classrooms, today’s parents too often enable bad behavior by threatening lawsuits when a teacher dares to hinder their child’s “personal rights” and “freedom of expression.”

Our society has and continues to make excuses for ugly behavior. Serena Williams is blasted on the news (and by me), but are her actions any different than the outbursts of many of her male counterparts? John McEnroe behaved much worse for many years and only received slaps on the wrists. Other athletes have been rewarded with huge paydays despite outrageous and sometimes illegal actions. These are the role models our kids see, day in and day out.

I think about the kids I saw on television when I was growing up. Today, it’s easy to see Wally and Beaver Cleaver, the Brady kids and Opie Taylor as innocent and unrealistic. They may have lived in a homogenized world, but as we watched them then, we couldn’t help but imitate their behavior somewhat. Respect for others, learning lessons from mistakes, being polite…these were not bad lessons to learn.

Recently I was in the room while my youngest was watching an episode of the Disney Channel show Hannah Montana (which seems to be running 24/7 on at least one television of our house). I caught enough of the plot to realize that Hannah had done something wrong and didn’t want her Dad to find out. Through the help of friends and some overly elaborate scheming; she plotted to keep her father in the dark and herself out of trouble.

I wasn’t paying close attention to the show, but I realized as the credits began to roll at the end of the episode that something had been missing from the climax. Unlike every family show I had watched as a kid, this teenage character got away with it. There was no “wise father” chat when he explained that he knew what she had been up to the entire time. No discussion of punishment. No hug, apology and promise to “never do it again.”

Yes…Hannah Montana…idol to countless millions of teenage and pre-teen girls…had escaped the hand of justice, proving that a saucy attitude and a belief in her own entitlement would win out. For those young people watching, and there are a lot, that’s a lesson they like to hear: sarcasm and deceiving your parents is okay if you don’t get caught.

To be fair, this does not happen on every episode of the Hannah Montana show. I’ve seen other episodes where Hannah does get caught and receives a fatherly talk. Still, I have to wonder which episode made the greater impression on young minds.

I’m not sure how I got from Joe Wilson’s outburst to a discussion of Hannah Montana. I’m kind of howling at the moon a bit, I guess, which I have a tendency to do. (It’s my party, so I can bay if I want to). But I have to wonder if we’re devolving somewhat as a nation. We’re losing our civility; we’re losing our interest in being honest, polite and respectful. More than anything, I’m afraid we are losing our way.