Rule Bound

On my flight from DC to Atlanta today, I sat next to a rule-breaker. You know the type. Despite the multiple announcements and common knowledge amongst most regular travelers, he continued to use his Blackberry throughout the taxi and takeoff. Stuff like that drives me crazy.

Do I understand the reason for the rule? Not a bit. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. If the airplane instruments are so sensitive to electronics that it’s a danger to have them on, shouldn’t there be a more decisive way of determining that none are used? That would seem logical, but since I’ll wager that on almost any given flight there is at least one person who forgot to turn off their cell phone and even more who feel they are exempt from doing what everyone else has to do, I don’t think the use of electronics are truly dangerous. If they were, there would be as many airplane crashes as car crashes, and yours truly would likely not be here.

The other reason to “turn off and stow” electronic instruments could be to stop them from becoming “projectiles.” If that is the case, I’m all for it. Most crashes occur during takeoff or landing, so it’s slightly comforting to know that I won’t have a Gameboy or an Ipod hurtling toward my forehead at 500 mph. This argument would make more sense if ALL possible “projectile” worthy material were stowed for take-offs and landings. Babies are still allowed to sit on parent’s laps, but fully capable of being flung at our unsuspecting faces by the force of impact. Books and magazines are openly read but not constricted from slicing through the air (hello? “paper cuts!”). I’ve even seen a person knitting! Personally, I’d rather be tapped on the head with a cell phone than be impaled with a ten inch knitting needle, but I don’t make the safety rules for the airlines.

No, I don’t understand the rule at all, and it’s never been fully explained to me. I asked a flight attendant once for the purpose of the rule and she looked at me as if I had asked for the briefcase containing nuclear weapons codes. “Just put away your cell phone, sir,“ she said, and I did. Whatever their reason, it must be good.

I wanted to tell my seatmate that he was supposed to put away his blackberry, but a confrontation prior to takeoff would have made the rest of the flight very uncomfortable, and there didn’t appear to be another seat I could move to. Then I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he just didn’t know better. This could have been his first flight. But then I saw him casually cover it as the flight attendant passed by. That’s when I understood.

He knew and he didn’t care. He didn’t care that the rest of us had done what we were told, following instructions like good little children on our first day of Kindergarten. No, he somehow felt that he was above all of that. Better than the rest of us. He continued to email, obviously so important that he could possibly endanger us all in order to share his words of wisdom with the world.

I started to tell the attendants, but I remember from school that “tattle-tales” are held in no higher esteem than the offenders. I would not lower myself to his level. I would merely loathe his behavior and psychically will that his BlackBerry spontaneously combust in his hands. It was all I could do.

He turned off his gadget about ten minutes into the flight, approximately the time that the rest of us were told we could use ours. He napped throughout the trip, and I was oddly pleased that he slept through the drink service. He did not deserve a drink and especially not the complimentary biscotti.

He awoke around the time that we were told to prepare for landing. As the rest of us dutifully turned off our electronics and stored them, I could not believe it when he actually reached for his phone once again and fired it up. Unbelievable, I thought, and looked around to see if others had noticed. No one had, too busy with their own lives and travel plans to see this blatant taunting of rules and conventions.

I decided I should say something, if for no other reason to stand up for the rest of us who do what we are told. It had to be a strong, clear statement, making him know in no uncertain terms that this kind of flagrant selfishness would be confronted…at least on my watch.

I tried to find a verbal strategy:

I could simply say “Dude,” and point at the phone, maybe lifting my right eyebrow for added emphasis.

I could be indignant, saying sternly, “That should be put away. It’s a law. Do it. Do it now!”

Or I could try to be nice, saying calmly, “hey, you probably missed the announcement, but I think we’re supposed to put that kind of thing away.”

The “nice” tactic would probably make the last few minutes of the flight and the taxi to the gate more pleasant. The other strategies would be more satisfying to me, on a deeper philosophical level, but might also get my face punched if this guy is not just a rule-breaker, but a raging psychopath. That’s the scary thing about rule-breakers…you just never know.

I decided on the nice calm option and was preparing to give him my best, polite smile when the attendant stopped at his seat and said, “Sir, you need to turn that off and put it away.”

The guy said, “I’m not transmitting, it’s fine,” and continued to peruse his phone.

Did I hear that right? I couldn’t believe it. This genius was disagreeing with the flight attendant. If I’ve learned one absolute thing in my years of air travel, it is this: you do not argue with the flight attendant, even if you know you are completely right. Get them in a bad mood and you end up being interrogated in a small room at the airport wearing silver bracelets. Or so I’ve heard.

This attendant was patient, but stern. “Sir, the announcement stated that you must turn it off and put it away. Please do that now.”

The guy didn’t even look up. He kept his fingers moving on his phone and answered, “Okay…okay. Just give me a minute.”

For a moment I thought these two might be married. He was responding to her like a reclining husband responds to a nagging wife. He might as well have been watching ESPN. He did not seem to realize that he was responding to someone who could summon Air Marshalls and taser guns.

She would not back down. “Sir, if you do not turn the phone off right now, I will have to alert the captain.”

Like a kid being told to put away his toys, he dramatically turned off phone and held it toward her. “There,” he said. “Happy?”

She gave him a cold stare that even gave me chills and said, “Now you need to put it away.”

He shoved it into his shirt pocket so forcefully that I’m surprised it didn’t rip the fabric. He did not look at the attendant again, but stared straight ahead, boiling in anger and no doubt making plans to call his lawyer or wondering where he could find some puppies to kick. I was glad I hadn’t said anything after all.

The heroic attendant nodded at me as I gave her a bemused look, then she continued up the aisle to complete her assigned duties. I could not help feeling a bit smug. Justice had been served upon the rule-breaker, and I was fortunate enough to witness it. I smiled at everyone I passed when I exited the plane and entered the terminal.

Will this episode change his behavior? Doubtful. People like that rarely accept their own faults. I’m sure he left that airplane feeling like he had been treated unfairly. Much as I am sharing this story about his obnoxious self-importance, he is probably sharing with his friends the incredibly rude, short-sighted behavior of the airline employee. A few minor tweaks to the tale and he could easily be the poor, misunderstood victim.

It makes me wonder how many times I’ve been that guy; completely oblivious to the truth of the situation and only concerned with my own interests. How many stories have I twisted, ever so slightly, to put myself in the better light?

I probably don’t want to know the answer to that question.