Dialing for Dummies

I don’t like feeling like an idiot, although I’m obviously pretty good at it. Things that must be obvious to others, sometimes take a while to drill through my thick skull and find a place in my addled mind. I can make excuses, like “it’s Monday,” or “I’m tired,” or “I’m distracted by the floundering economy.” But the truth is, I’m pretty dumb on most any day, and even well rested I can trip over my own mental clumsiness.

This morning I was stymied by the attempt to make a simple phone call. First, I dialed the number with a “1” and the area code. After one ring I hear a stern female voice telling me that a “1” or “0” is not necessary for this call. This is a message I have heard before, and I always think the same thing, “If this phone voice is smart enough to know that the “1” or “0” is not needed for that call, couldn’t she just connect me anyway?” Am I in phone school? Am I being graded on my detailed knowledge of dialing etiquette?

So I try it without the “1” and I get another message, which is the same voice who has changed her mind and insists that now I must “first dial a “1” or a “0” to access that number.” I stared at the phone for a while after that. Maybe this phone lady is just another female in a long line of females in my life who enjoy confusing me. There might be a club. I am fairly certain that they all meet for mixers once a month and have a guest speaker. (Refreshments are served, usually by handsome Latin waiters).

Finally I try the number without the area code, which is the same as my own, and the call goes through. Although this makes perfect sense to me, because if it’s in the same area code, I shouldn’t have to dial the extra numbers, I was operating under “world” logic, not mine. When I travel, I find that no matter what number I dial, even if it’s next door, I have to dial the area code. In fact, I was pretty sure that I had to dial the full ten digits anytime it was outside my local calling area (which does not include all of my area code). Confused? (Maybe we should start our own club).

Anyway, what’s frustrating is the idea that the rules keep modifying. I am pretty sure that the last time I tried to call a similar number in my area code; I was run around by messages demanding that I NEEDED to dial the extra numbers. Do they think I have the time or the brainpower to keep up with these radical telecommunication changes? Honestly, I don’t think they consider my feelings about this at all.

Of course, one could wonder if any of this matters anyway. We’ve got wars and rumors of wars, recessions and dead celebrities. We’ve got children planning for college or in nations thousands of miles away. These are much more important things than phone calls with ones or zeros.

Maybe my dumb old mind grasps for meaning in the meaningless so I don’t have to face the lack of control I have on the big stuff. That seems pretty accurate, and no doubt a kind of defense mechanism to maintain some semblance of sanity. Although in this day and age, when computerized voices have to explain to us how to dial a telephone, you have question what is “sane” and what is a world that has become a little bit too complicated.